"BOOM!!!"
said Mr. Bean as he looked at his giant wad of crackers. haha. Yeh Chris, April and I rented that this evening. Today was quite productive for me. I practiced the piano, rode my bike to woodgrove (good exercise) and did some Christmas shopping. People are stressed.
I am thinking of having a Christmas gathering sometime after school gets out; the problem is that so many of my friends and acquaintances don't get along or just plain don't know one another. It is because of the faulty way that high school social hierarchies are organized. Some people are confined to being "popular" and don't get to know anybody else because their other "popular" friends wouldn't like them anymore if they did.
I quite enjoy liberal studies, much to my surprise, but I think I'll continue them only as a hobby as to keep them as enjoyable and unstressful as possible. Next semester I intend to broaden my horizons of literature greatly, and any suggestions on what novels to read are welcome. I intend to read "Animal Farm" for one, and perhaps give "Paradise Lost" a crack. I shall use my spare time to write poetry and songs. yesssss. I'm looking forward to next semester. Also, I'll work out more often (at least once a week). Since these words are all in print you can hold me to them.
I have the task of finding a date for prom with whom I want to go. Hopefully I'll stumble across somebody that knocks me off my feet as I have in the past. Combined with scholarship and university applications I should at least have something to occupy me for my last semester of high school. I'm looking forward to Christmas this year (not like that's different from any other year), but I'm looking forward to the familiness of it this year. We are going up to Whistler on Christmas day for half a week or so and meeting up with my Dad's family. I intend to enjoy myself.
The concept of "never" has not registered with me yet. My mind, being contained in a finite amount of space, cannot imagine an infinity. It tries, and knows what it needs to understand, but cannot fully understand it. Right now, it thinks in a way that says "There is always tomorrow" and "A day will come when it will work out". The feeling that I have missed an opportunity that will NEVER come back because I screwed up so badly is an intensely horrendous and corrosive feeling. It makes me feel sort of helpless or hopeless inside. An example is the fact that I will die and never, ever, ever walk this Earth again, forever. What I find sadder is if I botch something that means a lot to me, entirely unintentionally or due to unpreparedness, and never have a chance at it again.
Dying malcontented would be the worst feeling that anybody could imagine. This unchangeable state of the past makes me love it for the great moments I've had and hate it for the opportunities I've missed and incredible mistakes I've made. Anybody have any suggestions on how to make amends with the past or at least come to accept it? One of the reasons I've been feeling weird lately is because I'm not at peace with the past...
I am thinking of having a Christmas gathering sometime after school gets out; the problem is that so many of my friends and acquaintances don't get along or just plain don't know one another. It is because of the faulty way that high school social hierarchies are organized. Some people are confined to being "popular" and don't get to know anybody else because their other "popular" friends wouldn't like them anymore if they did.
I quite enjoy liberal studies, much to my surprise, but I think I'll continue them only as a hobby as to keep them as enjoyable and unstressful as possible. Next semester I intend to broaden my horizons of literature greatly, and any suggestions on what novels to read are welcome. I intend to read "Animal Farm" for one, and perhaps give "Paradise Lost" a crack. I shall use my spare time to write poetry and songs. yesssss. I'm looking forward to next semester. Also, I'll work out more often (at least once a week). Since these words are all in print you can hold me to them.
I have the task of finding a date for prom with whom I want to go. Hopefully I'll stumble across somebody that knocks me off my feet as I have in the past. Combined with scholarship and university applications I should at least have something to occupy me for my last semester of high school. I'm looking forward to Christmas this year (not like that's different from any other year), but I'm looking forward to the familiness of it this year. We are going up to Whistler on Christmas day for half a week or so and meeting up with my Dad's family. I intend to enjoy myself.
The concept of "never" has not registered with me yet. My mind, being contained in a finite amount of space, cannot imagine an infinity. It tries, and knows what it needs to understand, but cannot fully understand it. Right now, it thinks in a way that says "There is always tomorrow" and "A day will come when it will work out". The feeling that I have missed an opportunity that will NEVER come back because I screwed up so badly is an intensely horrendous and corrosive feeling. It makes me feel sort of helpless or hopeless inside. An example is the fact that I will die and never, ever, ever walk this Earth again, forever. What I find sadder is if I botch something that means a lot to me, entirely unintentionally or due to unpreparedness, and never have a chance at it again.
Dying malcontented would be the worst feeling that anybody could imagine. This unchangeable state of the past makes me love it for the great moments I've had and hate it for the opportunities I've missed and incredible mistakes I've made. Anybody have any suggestions on how to make amends with the past or at least come to accept it? One of the reasons I've been feeling weird lately is because I'm not at peace with the past...
2 Comments:
I am all about dying happy & also being remembered after my death. Kind of somewhere between Alexander/Achilles & the other end. I'm not so seeking of glory that I will accept suffering & an early death, but I'd at least like to accomplish something.
I also came across the results of a decision I made long ago recently... more the elimination of what might have been. It's one of those of the importance where I am not even sure (considering how I have grown/changed & all the relationships I've built + the people I met) if I would go back to change it, were that possible. Which it is not. Stupid time.
I'm kind of glad I'm missing out on some of the stress & strife of this season that is among people in Nan. Hardcore on the bike riding. Always remember second semester is the time of infinite busy... stuff just comes up. In grade 10, I had 15 days of excused absences for one class second semester. 15 days of events that I went to. That were during the day.
rock on
By
K, at 3:54 a.m.
hey, cliches are often true. in order to gain peace from past mistakes, etc, what I would do is look at it, glean whatever lesson you can from it, ultimately realizing that people have to make mistakes otherwise they would never ever learn some things, and put it behind you. it's true that people HAVE to make mistakes and they WILL make mistakes. it's no use beating yourself up. just let it make you a better person, eh?
"all things can be for your good", that means all things, not just good things, and it includes bad things brought to pass by us. so, there ya go...some good old fashioned amay advice!
By
Anonymous, at 6:40 a.m.
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